This Love Hurts More Than It Looks Like.

I am completely and one hundred percent in love with a man I will never ever have. He is a man of insight and depth. I hold him higher than most men I know and he doesnt even acknowledge me. Everything that he says is like oxygen to me, norishment for my creativity and intellegance. I am pained that he has nothing to do with me but I am happy enough to just listen to him, just listen. He wrote a new blog and I'm going to post part of it here.

You spread your legs like a disease,like the branches of a tree parting to letthe sun bleed bittersweet purposeand praise in the prayers of twigs,leaves, and sheets.Dripping twisted reasoning fromlimbs inviting a calm climb to slippingcomfort in stale clarity. No warmth isfound in parting legs that masqueradeas arms open in embrace.I hide deep in the hollow of my own body wrapped in sweet bitter bark blessed by a new sun settinghalf blasphemies on what i view asholy.I slit these lids to a four-corneredexit and pivot eight points to a sober sight.

I miss...

I was just thinking of Christopher and I know I only saw him yesterday but I want him laying next to me. Now. Stroking my hair and humming to me. I love the way he makes me feel, content, as we sit in silence.

Career of life

I keep having this conversation with my father. He wants me to get a job ASAP. Im going to be leaving soon, Norfolk whoot!, in a month and he doesnt care. Whats the point of working a pointless job that makes me unhappy for a few bucks? If I was desperate for money I'd qwhore myself on the street and make more cash in one night than working at Build A Bear for a flippin month. I'm sooo tired of this. I want to be in my career and be happy doing something Im passionate about and love. Why should I be another one of these Americans that are constantly complaining about their job and how they are sooo unhappy. Why? To make ends meat--Ends tomato? Pssh!! Fuck that! I'm not going to belittle myself to get nowhere because Im stuck in the mists of nowhere doing nothing but being a slave to a corporation of mindless drones. These drones make your food, take crap from you on the other end of the phone about how you cant turn on your computer, these drones help you get what you want, make things faster for you, so you can move on and get to the next thing that you want. But I hate humanity so why should I give them what they want? When I cant even get what I want? FUCK THAT! FUCK THEM!! No no! Im not going to be stuck doing something that is degrading and get bullshit from people I dont know or care for. Im going to do what I want and be happy doing it. I'm going to take charge of my life. And I dont care what anyone else thinks or says. They aren't living this.

"Well well well! You're here!" Said the Honey Rabbit

Well yet another blog space of mine and I think this one is going to be my serious blog...PSSH!! Yeah right what am I thinking? But I swear I will write when at all possible. I have so much to say all the time and I tend to just write and write and write thats what I do; Im a writer and there is no stopping it now! Mwahaha! I am going to be completely and brootally honest here so if you are a friend of mine don't read any more if you theink we are on the virge of severing our ties.
I've noticed how much time I spend hurt and alone and I'm truely and utterly tired of it. I am more intact with my inner goddes now than I have ever been before. I need to be treated with respect and honor. Maybe not to go as far as to PRAISE me or anything but I'd like to be appreciated more than I have been. Being who I am, a colored young lady with a intense mind for creativity and alternitive lifestyle, I get looked at in ways most people wouldn't imagine. In a society that was formed on the idea of equality and individual thought, our society treats others who are individual with less respect than a slave. I know how I must sound, like a dramatic and over emotional child, but if you walked with me through the mall, to a Chuck-e-cheese, into a 3-star resteraunt and saw the way people look at me and talk to me you would understand. I get the fact that my looks aren't the norm, but what really is normal anymore when a countries ruler was a C average student? When people care more about the next American Idol than a genocide happening right across the water? When beings brootally kill other beings to try and up their shallow self-esteem, make themselves look better? And if that esteem IS of the self then why are others killed because of YOU simple minded bitch??
It's sad when others won't even accept the fact that there is a huge problem going on right in front of their face? People have a deep urge to be happy and cover up the problem areas with concealer fondation, but what happends when that lil problem ends up to be the biggest problem not only for you but for your children...your childrens children?